Raising Boys
This article from Vern Poythress on how to raise boys so that they become men is hugely stimulating. I’m not yet at the point where I can unequivocally agree with everything he says. The idea of getting Diggers to read streches the bounds of possibility. The thought of getting him to read Hebrew is a pipe dream! After all, where’s he going to learn it from. His old man can’t teach him that’s for sure!
Poythress’ definition of a man comes from this comment, ‘The true maturity is spiritual. It is wisdom in knowing God and his will, and being able to carry it out in your life (Prov. 1:1-7)’. The training programme is then the means, under God, by which to encourage growth in maturity. The curriculum looks like this.
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Knowledge of the contents of the Bible.
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Know the names of books of the Bible in order.
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Know Bible history.
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Read the Bible all the way through.
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Know main themes of biblical books.
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Understand how Biblical teaching centers on Christ.
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Know Greek and Hebrew (amount of knowledge tailored to the child’s ability)
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Memorization of selected verses and passages of the Bible.
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Knowledge of the major teachings of the Bible (doctrine).
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Memorize a children’s catechism as a summary of doctrine.
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Be able to explain doctrines and respond to questions using one’s own words.
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Personal piety.
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Using devotional materials
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Prayer diary
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Day-long personal retreat for prayer and fasting with Daddy
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Growth in understanding of means for overcoming sin
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Projects of service and mercy.
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Serving the church; serving the needy.
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Wisdom in dealing with various spheres of life.
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Finances: tithing, drawing up a year-long budget; checkbook balancing; investing.
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Etiquette: table etiquette, greeting etiquette, letter etiquette, conversational etiquette, sexual etiquette.
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Apologetics: answering questions and objections about Christian faith; understanding the Christian world view and the main competing worldviews and ideas in the United States.
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Sexuality: knowing Christian teaching and standards for thoughts and actions. Understanding how God designed male and female bodies.
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I have to say I really like it. It won’t happen but that doesn’t mean I can’t admire it. But I’d love for my boys to look like this. If they could manage it by 13 that’d be great. The fact that their Father hasn’t managed it by middle age needn’t dissuade them! But it all seems thoroughly daunting. Getting the boys to sit still for Bible story and pray for something more meaningful than ‘please can I have lots of presents for my birthday’ is something we’re still working on.
What would I add? I think Poythress is too dismissive of the idea of killing a crocodile. There’s nothing about an ability to brew your own beer, talk intelligently about sport, and avoid the social faux pas that is the unvented jacket [UVJ]. More seriously, I’d want something in there about leadership and peer pressure, how to respect and relate to women, and how to understand and evaluate contemporary culture.
But I still like it. Lots. And I wish I’d been ’subjected’ to it as a boy.
I like it a lot too, but is there anything in that list that wouldn’t apply for girls as well?
Comment by Phil Craig — January 22, 2009 @ 8:57 am
Thanks for your comment Phil. It all depends what you think we should be raising boys and girls for, doesn’t it?! Surely the desireed end goal determines what sort of ‘training programme’ we put in place. So, if you think what Poythress has proposed will prepare girls to become mature Christian women, then great. But I’d suggest there ought to be some different emphases in raising boys and girls. Men and women are different and God gives to us differing roles in families and churches. I’m as keen that Flora should grow into a mature Christian woman as I am that Rufus and Digby should grow into mature Christian men. But I think that Flora’s ‘training programme’ should reflect her distinctive role as a Christian woman rather than as a Christian man. I’m just not at a place where I can articulate what that different ‘training programme’ should look like. At least not with any clarity and vigour just yet!
Comment by Richard Perkins — January 22, 2009 @ 10:44 am
I have a particular thing about writing thank you letters…every kid should do it (as should adults!). It forces us to remember the giver over the gift.
I’m still rubbish at it though.
Comment by Phil Craig — January 22, 2009 @ 12:27 pm
Hello Perks…would be really good to talk about this at some point with you and Rosslyn. I haven’t talked to Andrew about it but it seems a bit weird to me (maybe thats just because I am a girl!)and a bit worksy…not much on encouraging/modelling heart response to Jesus and gospel. I know that our kids response is up to God, but how do we help them and encourage obedience to Jesus, with right motives?
I agree there are some things which they can be practically helped with and have modelled to them (although I have to say the thought of you modelling “conversational etiquette” does make the mind boggle!) but how do we avoid producing people who look like Christians and know the right stuff to do but have a cold heart towards Jesus/God’s salvation plan/key doctrines etc etc. Maybe just exposing kids to the Bible and immersing them in it is what they need..but I think their teacher/parent needs to model it. Does seeing the prayerfulness of their parents and their dependence on God and his promises actually have more of an impact on them than teaching them to recite the books of the Bible (useful as it is when you’re asked to turn to Nahum in a group Bible STudy!). Maybe the key is prayer which this bloke is just assuming we’d be doing as parents and the Holy Spirits help as we do all that stuff. Maybe he’s also presuming all the modelling stuff - don’t know!
I think I am probably just a bit sensitive about it, having been brought up with it all around me and lots of that kind of stuff, looking like I was living the Christian life, able to pull stuff out of the bag at the right time (right answers, books of the Bible, Prayer vigils etc)..but a rebel at heart. Wished my parents had shared their Christian walk with me a bit more..
Could actually have done with a lot more of the not so spiritual, practical stuff that he recommends though - letter etiquette and coherence, for example!
Probably not making much sense but would be good to chat it through some time…
Love to you all..missed Rosslyn today at the Womens Day!
Much love
Hils
xx
Comment by Hilary Nicholls — January 31, 2009 @ 10:18 pm
Fascinating stuff. I have often thought about this stuff - both as a teacher of boys and as a boy myself whom, despite my parents’ best efforts, found myself with very little inclination to walk the Christian life once I left home (although I’m sure the foundaions they laid were used by the Spirit to later bring me back).
There is no doubt that one raised under the model above may indeed come to resemble a fine Christian man - ideally equipped for church leadership and a great help for other Christians. Even so, I’m not sure what he’d look like to the world… I thoroughly agree with your appraisal of what is missing - engagement with our culture (and a love of sport!) are genuinely important if we are to witness within natural relationships, rather than as an outsider robot who has no idea what it is non-Christians talk or think about. I’m wary saying this as ‘engagement with culture’ was often my excuse for sinful idulgence… but nevertheless I fear that many a young lad raised as above would emerge struggling to relate to anyone in his universoty halls, and quite possibly having been bullied to within an inch of his life!!
An ability to relate personably to others in our city (allied to a heart for the gospel and a love of Christ) will surely prove more practically productive than a working knowledge of Hebrew??
Comment by AndyBeingAChristian — February 1, 2009 @ 12:10 pm